Bessie and Carley
are dogs. We can learn from them.
Here’s how to think
like a dog:
The sight of a leash
is a signal for joy and jumping—a leash is a ticket to ride, or the certain
indicator that there will be walking outdoors. Bounce off the walls, and do
four-footed jumps until the human snaps your leash, the knotted red one, onto
your collar.
If you stare fixedly
out the car window long enough, the wooded preserve comes into view.
When you jump out of
the car, the first thing to do is: start straining against the leash with such
manic energy that you gasp repeatedly for breath, and don’t stop doing this
until the walk is ended.
The second thing is:
plant yourself, as it were, permanently, at the nearest clump of leaves on a
fallen branch, sniff deeply, urinate, sniff again, repeat until the human drags
you away.
Then, pull madly toward
the nearest tree, inhale all its mysteries, pee, dash to the next tree.
Repeat for about 40
minutes.
If you’re a black
lab, try at least once, and put your heart into it, to jump into the
cedar-stained waters of the quiet river that borders the park. Try it again if
you get the chance, you never know….
If you’re a Boston
terrier, show your best full-toothed grimace to the big dogs you meet along the
path, almost hurt yourself trying to get at them, seriously, tell them in
dog-speak that if it weren’t for the g.d. leash, you’d be eating their livers
right there, right in the middle of the trail.
Don’t worry about
looking up, really, there’s a lot of stuff that’s really interesting no more
than two feet above ground level. It’s your world.
Another thing: try
to poop behind the fallen tree, under the thatch of rhodo, so the human has to
grunt to reach it with his hand inside a blue bag.
Keep in mind that
the next smell is always the best one, as soon as you’re finished with the one
you’re working on now, you gotta get to that next one ASAP, put your weight into
it, be a manly dog….
One more thought: it
never hurts to try to pee one more time.
Copyright © Richard Carl Subber 2015
No comments:
Post a Comment