Some Internet sites report that John Cleese, British actor, writer and tall person, has issued the following alert:
UPDATE ON THREAT ALERTS IN EUROPE
The English are
feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore
raised their security level from "Miffed"
to "Peeved."
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not
been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly
ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to
"A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody
Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish
Armada.
The Scots have
raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the
Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have
been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French
government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from
"Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are
"Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by
a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing
the country's military capability.
Italy has
increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans
have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to
"Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on
the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried
about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are
all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully
designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good
look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia,
meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to
"She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain:
"Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and
"The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use
of the last final escalation level.
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